Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
