thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
