I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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