for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
