Don't make out with my wife yet
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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