hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
