sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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