he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
