Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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