Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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