You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
