Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
