I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
