Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I will be naked everywhere
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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