That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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