Since when is my name a synonym for head?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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