I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
