I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
