I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
