everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
