I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
