is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
