yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
