he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
