Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
