i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
