You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
