Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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