i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we're so committed to being not committed
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