Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
