Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
