I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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