I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
