Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
