tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
