i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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