I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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