Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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