Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
