so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
