i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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