Ambien. No doubt about it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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