i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What drink are we having for lunch?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
