So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
