All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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