I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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