This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
