I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
