I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize