Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
