he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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