She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
