There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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