You smell like stripper and shame
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
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Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize