We named our party play list daddy issues
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
