I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
