My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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