What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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