I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
