Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
