He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
