so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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