I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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