I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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