i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
