i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
