watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
