I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize