Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
